From the Department of Tossed Salads, @3hourcucumber recently shared a cautionary tale on Twitter about using a phallic vegetable in lieu of a dildo, only to find that penis-like veggie being served to him for dinner the next day.


“My mom just a made a salad with the cucumber I used to fuck myself with yesterday for 3 hours,” he tweeted on Sunday. “hope she washed it well. idk what to do.”



But instead of receiving answers to his dinnertime quandary, @3hourcucumber ended up fielding a whole lot more questions about his decision to return the cucumber to the crisper as opposed to throwing it in the trash. “why’d you put it back AND without washing it,” wondered @chuuragis. Meanwhile, others marveled at how the veggie could withstand such an extreme pounding.



“So let me get this straight, u used the cucumber then casually just put it back in the fridge?” asked @Lucyyyyy01. “Damn that’s one strong cucumber.”

“Yeah it’s the huge European ones,” @3hourcucumber replied. “They last long.”


So remember to always wash your veggies. You never know what dirt, grime or truffle butter may be lurking on them.